#1 Don't show weakness

So in the past month I've gone from feeling soulless to disgusted with myself and then slowly on to just plain shit. This was up until about three hours ago when, out of sheer boredom, I started watching an NCIS run on FX. It was one of those long stories that span three episodes, I think one of them was called "Rule 51".

Now for anyone reading this that doesn't know the show it's similar to CSI but for the American Navy. The leader of the team is called Gibbs and he has about 50 rules that pop in and out of the show occaisonally. It's starts with #1 "Never screw over your partner" to # 35 "Always the watch the watchers" and #40 "If it seems someone is out to get you, the are" and Rule #51 is "Sometimes - You're Wrong". A full list can be found here: Gibbs Rules

For many reasons I've been wanting to reexamine my life. Like Gibbs has demonstrated, everyone needs a set of rules to live by. Even though there are many I'd like to make my premier rule I think I'm happy to begin with this one:

ANNIE'S RULE #1. DON'T SHOW WEAKNESS

A lot of my drama for the past month has been because I've been stupid enough to think that talking about my problems make them a little easier to bear. It doesn't, all it's done is let certain irritating poeple think they can take advantage of my vulnerability. (I say think but they pretty much did, which only created more damn drama) Also talking about them, instead of just burying them into the deep dark hole that is my soul, just made me feel more like crap whereas if I'd never upset myself by venting about them I could have worked up the energy to pretend that everything was okay and allow myself to be distracted for a while. 

I go to an all girls school so most of my friends are girls and I'm not going to lie girls are pretty much jealous bitches at their core. I'll hold my hand up I can be one vindictive little mother fucker. And it doesn't matter how much I love some of my friends, if they turned around and told me something was wrong my first response is to become very very smug. I don't mean with the really horrible stuff just the generic "Oh I'm so fat" "The guy deosn't like me back". Of course I've learnt to move passed my instincts in the past few years and can force some sympathy into myself. But I know that 90% of the poeple in my life are. My life isn't about the few it's about the many and I can't trust the many. And my life has taught me I should be wary about trusting the few as well.

Now I'd LOVE to go into minute detail about how this is the lesson learnt from my April; however it shows me at my almost worst and I need to start practicing what I preach.