#4. Don't become friends with your friends friends

This has actually been a rule of mine for a while but I broke it a couple of months ago and have been reaping the consequences since.
Now I've been friends with this girl for a while mostly due to circumstances because she went to my Primary School and then my Secondary School and she also lives near me. Okay and she's also really annoying and there are times where I seriously dislike her. But at the end of the day I'm big on loyalty. Whether she's worthy of that loyalty is another matter entirely.
So we have quite a tempestuous relationship was only gotten worse this year, God only know why and when she through a house party I was introduced to a few of her friends. Namely this one guy that I think she'd invited to upset some other ex friend of hers. Somehow we ended up becoming quite close only since exams have been over I've been trying to figure we're even so close. In the sense that he says things in a way I haven't heard before so things are always interesting but we spend a good 20% of our time together bitching about the other friend. And the worst part of it all is I really have no reason to trust him this way, the very fact that he's bitching with me means his loyalty is questionable. Actually I think he's only been close to my friend from the same time as me.
But the whole situation creates way too much confusion. While this whole threesome shit is going on I'm never going to trust that what I'm saying isn't going to get back to my friend.

Last post

So this is the last post on this blog, take that how you will.

2012 has been interesting and apparently there's only 2 days left :)

My confessions in case the world ends

• I'm keeping the blog up in case civilisation ends but is uncovered by a race of alien archeoligists.
• They probably won't care too much about this blog. But i might ascend this friday and the narcissist in me might enjoy watching them judge us
• I can't stand the samsung note i bought this weekend.
• My deepest secret is that my mum already knows my biggest secret and has forgiven him even though i can't. Or that if she ever does find out she'll choose him over me.
• I think my sister in law may be a raging bitch under that cutsey blond exterior.
• I really can't stand my extended family
• I kinda wish i was the cool kind of nerd. Or cool in any sense of the word.
• I am not a good friend.
• I am a 19 year old born muslim now agnostic londoner who still lives with her parents and even though i go to uni now you can sum up my major character flaws as a moody prideful child who still craves approval from the world.

I know there are people who read this blog who I will regret letting know this and I in no way feel lighter writing this post. But I'm all kinds of self destructive too. 

There you go world, my word vomit as a sacrifice to the apocolypse.

If I was a rich girl - Temperly

Dresses dresses dress <3

If I was a rich girl - Burberry

I GOT INTO KING'S COLLEGE LONDON!!!! Now my wish list from Burberry. Next up Alice of Temperly :) xx

#5. Time to throw my heart and soul in life.

Aka. You can sleep when you're dead.

So this rule was inspired by the beginnings of a cold, getting high on sunshine, cold medicine, JD and this song:

I swear I had this song on repeat for a good hour even with all the snot flying about. I am a HUGE procrastinator. I'd find a way to procrastinate if I was supposed to be studying for a procrastinating degree.

#5. Time to throw my heart and soul into life

This draft was actually started months ago but it is a feeling I have pretty regularly. I'm rather lazy; staying at home and sleeping and or watching tv for hours on end is really boring but I'm usually too lazy to make the effort to entertain myself. And I never want to be the kind of person that needs alcohol or other people around me to have fun either. After exam season the plan was to sleep for a week but after two nights of decent sleep I was bored already. But I'm not a major fan of the clubbing scene either. I'd much rather get a pair of boots and jeans on and climb trees. Why are people so insistent on getting hammered?

#4. People will always surprise you and rarely in a good way

I haven't had a new post in forever and a day, not for lack of ideas but because none of the ideas had the passion behind them that my rules usually do. The rules are there because they meant something specific and vital to me and until today it didn't feel right to post something.

#4. People will always surprise you and rarely in a good way

I'm still slightly reeling from what actually triggered this rule and, also, I think the person this is about may actually end up reading this so I'm not going to insult her by venting here. All I'm going to say about that is I shouldn't have had to find out the way I did.

Instead I'm going to talk about less world shattering but still stressful example that I can't explain unless I actually get a little explicit. So I went out with a few friends a couple of weeks back. My friend, M, is a lesbian and she has only ever been classic lesbian. She was getting eyed up by this guy across the bar and decided to invite him over and flirt with him so he'd buy her drinks. Don't act all scandalized we all do it! I left and M and my other friend A left with this guy and his freind. A couple of days later I met up with A and she told me that after dropping off M both guys pushed themselves on her. Twice. And at the same time. She begged me not to tell M because she didn't want to upset her and we thought we were never going to see these guys again. M asked me to go out with her a couple of days ago and when I met up with her who should I see but the M.F from the bar. God he's really not pretty and really feckin' arrogant. He's also under the impression he and M are "kinda sorta" together; they've even kissed, he's met her parents and they've pretty much been hanging out all of the time since that night. He's leaving at the end of August, hallelujah. So of course I asked A to tell M what happened only she bloody won't. Usually I wouldn't give a damn and tell M myself only...

When I called M yesterday to ask her What The Fuck she was doing she told me that she knew he was an arrogant dick. M was using him as a beard because of her folks and yet... Why was he under the impression they were together? She actually kissed him and why didn't she bail on him after he met her parents? Also why was she actually going places with him. The only things I can conclude is that she actually likes him in some way,  or they're both lying to me. And the other problem is that I feel really disappointed; it's like she's selling her soul to this M.F for an easy life. In terms of integrity that's subterranean in my book and my respect for her is withering. 

As a result, I can't bring myself to tell her. Now this was written all in one go so it's all a bit rambly but at the moment posting this immediately feels like the right thing to do.

S, I haven't forgotten.

#3. It's okay to contradict yourself and be certain of your decision now

So the next rule is in two parts. Now before I get into it a;;ow me to run on a little about Tavi Gevinson, the author of insanely successful blog Style Rookie and online teen magazine Rookie. I don't think I've ever been so in awe of a girl younger than me in my life. She's found a passion and throws herself into her ventures with such charm and energy that it's really inspirational. Already at 15 she done more with her life than me even though I'm 4 years older. Watching her Tedx talk reminds me that it's only with persistence, zero artifice and God's own honesty that one day I can be capable of achieving as much as her.

I will not pretend to know half these references, Amma stamped on any pop culture religiously in her household. The closest I ever got to being normal was Charmed and Cardcaptors both of which I had (and still have) a rather unhealthy obsession with. I still can't watch Simpsons without feeling a crippling amount of guilt. Of course, I will not excuse my ignorance and will enlighten myself very soon, But the idea that society is obsessed with single dimensional personalities really struck a chord with me.

I've had to consider universities recently. I've received all my offers and I've changed my mind often on which one I want to go. People seem to find it so strange that I can be dead set for one path and then wake up a week later with a further weeks worth of experience and knowledge and consider another choice. There are times where I've wondered if I can rely on my judgement because I've been known to change my mind quickly. I think it just stems back to my ability to argue with anyone about anything for the sake of it. I can argue with myself horrifically well.

One one hand I know I need to know my mind, but on the other hand I still haven't magicked up the ability to be right first time every time. In fact, I've yet to meet anyone with that ability.

I think I found a new test for God.